So here I am, sitting in my grandparents living room on a 98 degree day in New York. All I hear surrounding me now is the sound of a huge AC pumping on the highest setting and a the noises of Wheel of Fortune. It is summer time and I am home from college, trying to maintain my sanity by looking for a summer job, dealing the troubles FAFSA puts me through every year, and dealing with inevitable boredom that a stagnate and monotonous daily routine brings. I’ve been home for about two weeks and I am not miserable because I am home on break, or that I miss school, or that I’m disliking staying with my grandparents. On the contrary, I am so happy to have a break from the hell that the last two years of my undergraduate has put me through, I don’t so much miss school as I do my school friends, and i love my grandparents. My intense feeling of despair comes strictly from my depression. I call her Debbie. I feel as though giving her an identity can help me separate her from stealing mine.
Debbie is a strange one, and viciously persist one, that doesn’t allow me to make my own mind up no matter how much I’d like too. The last couple of days I have done nothing other than lay in bed and wish that I was different. Once Debbie comes she brings in her other friends and they have the most bad ass rave you’ve ever seen. their names are self doubt and anxiety- they don’t have their own names yet because I’m still working on that. They and Debbie come sweeping in like they own the joint and basically take over until Michelle can find her way to the control center after a few bowls of ice cream, a couple of good cries, and a handful of panic attacks later. Once I feel like myself again there is no stopping me, but for that period of time when Debbie is in control I am fairly useless to be honest.
What does this have to do with my Nonna and Wheel of Fortune? Nothing. I just needed to give that little introduction to Debbie and her friends before continuing this post or even continuing this blog. Debbie isn’t going to be the star of my blogs and neither will anxiety or self doubt, but they are the reason I decided to make this space for myself to begin with. I was bored so it originally was just going to be for my poetry and stupid shit I thought would be cool but then I thought I could make this into something actually important. So here I am and the birth of Random Voices Blog was sure to follow.
I don’t know what else to say other than what I’ve put in my about me and that I’m serious when I say that this blog is going to be about basically anything that i want to talk about. Maybe in the future there will be a more set direction I’m going to follow but for right now I am leaving the creative flood gate wide open.
Thanks for reading.